How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize