I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
