mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
