Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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