You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
