I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
