I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
