I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
