Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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