Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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