My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
