Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
