capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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