Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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