I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
