seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
