She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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