I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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