Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
