is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
