Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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