I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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