Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
