She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
