I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you win again, gameday.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
