my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
