i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
