is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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