the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
