are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize