What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Even my vagina gasped.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
