So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
