It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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