Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
