You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
