talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
