Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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