After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
