community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
