we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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