he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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