Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
