She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Everclear isn't food dammit
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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