I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
