I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
