Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
