found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
