I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
