I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
