did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
