Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
