Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i've created a new STD.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
