I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
