I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize