I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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