i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
