When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize