when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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