I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't deserve a penis
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
