i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
