just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
