I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
