Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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