M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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