If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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