dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
