but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
