My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
