My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
