i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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