Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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