Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
