What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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