and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize