I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
