You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
