is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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