tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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