New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
