I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
