What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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