Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
