It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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